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Sidus Tenebrarum: Born from a black rib

09/09/09 || Kampfar

Sidus Tenebrarum reads like a fucking disease and “Born from a black rib” like a god damn joke. And while we’re at it, here’s another joke. Haha… hahahaha. Oh fuck, I’m wiping tears here, so if the guys involved didn’t break out in laughter at least 10 times before nailing that photo I hate their guts 4 real and 4 eva.

And, I hate their music too. Here is why:

What this bunch of Italians think of as black metal, I think of as a bit crap and often boring imitation of said style, every damn nanosecond of “Born from a black cunt” happening to be not very unique at all. I know, I know, unique and original isn’t always best, energy and passion coupled with a bit of skill is best, Sidus Endetarm anywayz only passing on the “A bit of skill” test. Barely. Here is no fire, no emergency, just 4 dudes playing extreme metal light with a fair hint of black.

Fucking WOWZ!

If “Born from a black penis” had been the collective effort of a fresh band, which it obviously isn’t, this very dildo would come up with tips and tricks on how to improve. All I can say now is: I think you lot should go home and drown yerself in the toilet!

In other words, all ye readers into black, be sure to give Tsjuder, Dark Funeral, Gnaw Their Tongues, 1349, Luctus, Abigor, Code, Marduk, Anti, Emancer, Windir, Cor Scorpii, Gehenna, IXXI, Tulus, Khold, Impaled Nazarene, Obscene Eulogy, Octinomos, Slagmaur, Tragediens Trone, Nattefrost, and there is more, a go before giving the parade of mediocrity not know as Cerebral Palsyrum a chance.

Fuck ‘em.

Global Domination note: After this review had been up for a while we get a mail from one of the idiots in this band, which read: “hi am a member of the Italian band “Sidus Tenebrarum”. I ask you if is possible erase from your website “Global Domination” the review of our album. because is a big joke for us and for our label. I don’t discuss your opinions if you do not like my record but you can’t take me by ass! please erase “Sidus tenebrarum” review ! thanks”

Since the mail was sent to The Lord a reply from him was needed:

“First of fucken all; I didn’t write the goddamned review. Second; write the one who wrote the goddamned review if you wanna be a little cunt about it. Third; Nightwish, their management and their label DEMANDED for us to take down the review of their album “Once” some time back. Nightwish is kinda famous and whatnot and have all kinds of magic powers behind them – and the review is STILL at the site.”

“Guess what my reply to your request for taking down yer review will be?”

“Get a fucken grip – if you can’t handle reviews that don’t praise you like you are the second cum of Christ – Stop playing fucken musuck.”

Then Kampfar finally got around to reply:

“I was the one who wrote that review you and your fucking ass label got your feelings hurt over. Trust me, if ye take the trip I’ll be more than happy to give you all some chainsaw treatment. Stop whining and make some proper music already. And yes, you all look like fucking idiots when making them faces you think is oh so evil. Your grandmother might be upset if she saw them pictures but an old misanthrope like me isn’t impressed at all. Now go blow up the Vatican and be of some use.

Koz&Klem”

Initially they got a 4 or 4.5 as a score. But after being complete cunts we have decided to drop their score to a nice and deserved:

2,5

Fuck with the goat – the horns you get, bitches.

Information
Released: 2009
Label: Suffering Jesus Productions (haha… hahahaha)
Website: Sidus Tenebrarum MySpace
Band
Giulio: vocals
Santa: guitar
Dezo: Bass
Belloz: drums

Tracklist
01. Excerpts of fury
02. They won’t leave
03. Unutterable unworthiness
04. When mind collapses
05. Vril
06. Nothing foreign
07. Lord of the night
08. Void

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